Fragrant Women: To Him and Him Alone, Then With Two or Three With Jesus


October 2000

Because we are neither married nor given in marriage in heaven (Mat.22:30), then the marriage institution (as it is called) is NOT above the word of God. In other words, if a spouse sees something in his/her spouse’s life that is unlike Jesus, Jesus didn’t say, “Take it to him and him alone and then bring two or three witnesses—unless it happens to be your wife, or your husband or your children or your parents.” What about the scripture that says a wife should win him over “without words”? :-) love,

Hi… The teaching of Peter doesn’t contradict the teaching of Jesus—which can’t be added to with “unless you’re married to the one in sin.” I’ve seen WAY too much fruit of 15 years of lives changed by not allowing the home to be a hiding place for hypocrisy and sin to contradict the teaching of Jesus that way! Peter was addressing not nit-picking details, as women are prone to do—not that Jesus should be contradicted. IF he won’t hear a co-heir, fellow disciple, and calls himself a Christian, she MUST bring 2 or 3, or she has disobeyed the clear, exact Teaching of Jesus Himself. I personally wouldn’t want to be responsible for telling someone to disobey an extremely clear Command from Jesus Himself! AND, as I’ve said, I’ve seen men change dramatically from disciples acting like disciples and bringing Light where there had been none for 10 years of silence from a spouse that was battered by fear. Obeying God, not man, will always hold sway, and God said “to him and him alone… and if he won’t hear you… 2 or 3.” Again, it would be very gutsy to advise someone to disobey such a clear Command as that, I would say. I’m sure Peter was not taking that on. I wish I could say, “Sure, okay!” but… the tragedies of ignoring Jesus’ Command in the home are legion.

In a REAL Church, there are 15 other people that are easily involved relationally and it is not some big ordeal to involve others—since they are deeply involved in the details of their everyday life anyway! In an institution, or a home situation where Life is not really there as it should be, then everyone outside of the home is essentially an “outsider”—so it is a BIG deal to involve others. But not so when there are ALREADY “a hundred mothers, brothers, and sisters” involved in their life every day. It flows easily, painlessly, and without fanfare or legalisms. In an institutional setting (whether a “housechurch” or a “facility”), it is a nasty thing to “bring two or three” and avoiding such an ordeal unless murder or something large has taken place is a high priority for most. Understandable. BUT, if we built His way in the first place, it would be as easy as fixing dinner or cleaning a room. Not a biggee!!

Hope you understand what I’m trying to portray… It’s very pain-free and life-giving, in the Right context!


Thanks, yes I think I understand and your points are well taken. Nevertheless, I can see how wives could abuse such a mechanism, and I think that is why there are so many follow-up scriptures about submission and quietness. May God forbid that hidden sin should continue to be unchecked among those who name Christ as their own!!!!!!! God is not mocked—a man reaps what he sows! Love,

Hi, You can see that the institutional way of building has undermined the Intention of God in His Church by rule by committee! Foolish building practices by men in denominational settings such as that STILL don’t mean we must disobey Jesus’ clear Command! Jesus didn’t seem to think it was problematic to obey Him in this simple command, and didn’t say anything about BIG sins versus small! It is NOT “indicting” in a BIBLICAL environment, but only so in an institution! All that happened to you happened in a VERY unbiblical environment, and not a true church. Therefore, all the pain and contradictions and destructive garbage that could not have happened in a real church, built on a Foundation of Life and Truth! If your wife was less than submissive, all of THAT would have come up when she brought the two or three into the discord so that JESUS could show up in power and life! (That is the context in Matthew 18, of course.)

BUT, when everything is disjointed attendance of meetings, amongst people, some who are not even Christians, no one would even know it because of the worldly, disconnected lives in which so many live in that “meeting-centered” religious environment. There are (of course) great folks there, as well as charlatans no one would ever have a clue were such. But even the BEST folks will not grow nearly as fast as they would in a Biblical environment, “admonishing one another daily so that NONE are hardened and deceived by sin.” “A LITTLE leaven leavens the WHOLE batch,” saith the Lord. SO, your whole mess would have been RADICALLY different from the get-go if she HAD brought two or three from amongst the “HUNDRED mothers, brothers, sisters,” and thus JESUS had been there as the two or three came for the Purpose of clarity in the matter. (Again, THAT is the context of “there I AM in the midst” in Mat. 18.) SHE would have been radically changed for it, and YOU wouldn’t have had all those years of grief! You may feel better now, but SHE didn’t have the Opportunity for change that she would have had in a Biblical environment, obeying Matthew 18.

The disobedience of Jesus’ absolute Command in Matthew 18 is FREQUENTLY the result, as I said in my last note, of an UNBiblical environment where OBEDIENCE does “more harm than good,” so folks have rationalized their way out of Obeying a clear Command and have made excuses and tried to find loopholes. The FAULT is in the unbiblical building practices that CREATE CONTRADICTIONS, not so much in the lambs that are caught in the “pickle” and opt for “alternatives.” SO, in your institutional setting, it would have been great if she had NOT taken you to a worldly committee. HOWEVER, if you had been in a REAL church where EVERY LIFE is daily intertwined, instead of, “I have no need of you” until next “meeting…” you would have been amazed at how much better the next ten years would have gone if she HAD brought “two or three,” but in a BIBLICAL Church! Food for thought…

P.S. Wives should never ABUSE any Command of Jesus!! They must not disobey it, OR abuse it! And they WON’T be able to abuse it if everyone around them, totally intertwined into their life and the life of Jesus as a way of life… is functioning on a Biblical Foundation. But, OF COURSE they should not ABUSE any Command of God!

What does the scripture in 1 Peter mean?

Believe me, I DO understand the question, and have seen the abuses within the institutional religious world. So, since Peter’s thoughts CAN’T be used to disobey Jesus in Matthew 18 and other places, then it obviously means what I mentioned earlier. A woman not being like a dripping rain on a tin roof (the inclination of a woman, Genesis 3), but rather being a wonderful, fragrant, inner beauty of a woman that melts the generally-hard-hearted and insensitive man with her delightful qualities. As a way of life. Every day. HOWEVER, even bringing in two “Jonathans that are closer than a man is with a woman” to discuss something that isn’t changing or is getting too muddled and complicated, those that are already DEEPLY involved in his life, would not violate this spirit of kindness and avoidance of badgering or browbeating or domineering. It very well might, as I said, be a HUGE violation in an institutional setting, but in the Family of God, defined by a SECOND Birth, it is peaceful and EVERYONE, INCLUDING THE MAN, would DESIRE more Light and Wisdom be brought in. He wouldn’t WANT his wife to withhold things from him that might allow him to Grow. And she would not have an “agenda” that she is hand-picking people to support. That could ONLY happen in an institution. She would be, in GOD’S HABITAT of true Life, ONLY wanting to learn herself if she is wrong. And because of the daily intertwined lives, “from the least to the greatest,” even the nuances of how the thoughts are presented, and the facial expressions, the contradictions of the stories, etc., are a “bread crumb trail” for those walking in true Fellowship with the Head and the Body… to discern and resolve.
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