Question About Divorce and Remarriage

10/1/2001

Brothers and sisters,

Greetings from a brother down under. God has blessed us with the challenge of working through how to relate to some folks we have met recently. They have “come out” from the churches of men, though to our fallen eyes seem to still have many of the trappings of church tradition etched into their lives. No doubt to Jesus we have the same problem! We will not cast a stone at them or judge them on this.

In the many helpful pieces of material we have been sent by you, hardcopy and electronic, we have yet to see anything substantive on the issues of divorce and remarriage. There has been a lot of it mentioned as part of “whole-story tapestries” and as important sidelines to other teachings, and in broad context is probably the best place for most tricky things.

These folks have a real concern to know where we stand on the issues, as a test of how much they will commit to relating to us, it having been THE cause of heartbreak and “coming out” of the churches of men, in their lives. We are fairly certain where we stand on them, and are trying to discern if there are other agendas in their questions! But we will come back to them with our understanding, so they know where we stand, if indeed we are able to do so together.

I think we will be at one with them, its just hard to get past the cultural packaging that they express their zeal and love for the Lord and his truth with!

Our wariness comes from a concern that they may view our “position on doctrinal matter x, y or z” as being the basis on which to relate, not solely on Jesus as the basis, who will enable us to relate first (as a hand needing a foot), after which we will be used by him to knock edges off each other, and expect to come to unity on whatever issue as we go deeper into him together. In Ezekiel’s vision of the valley of dry bones coming to life again, the bodies were not instantly whole and alive and functioning 100%—they came back together bit by bit, and I feel that sometimes how Christ builds his body, the church, can be the same... or at least feel that way. Certainly none of us is the body all on their own.

Still, given these saints’ painful past, we understand their concern, and if it means suffering a little foolishness (if it is that... it could simply be godly thoroughness, and we are just being thrown off by the cultural vibes) to get to the destination our Lord wants, then we will go through it.

I will go again through that which you guys have sent in the past, which has been precious, just in case I am asking for what I have already been given.

_______________

Hi—good to hear from you, and your heart is wonderful and soft towards them and this “bump in the road”—I appreciate that a lot. : ) I understand the dilemma. I don’t know that I WOULD give them a “play-by-play” of what you think about this matter, no matter HOW hard they press you, and regardless of what they do in response to your kind refusal to be pigeonholed. It is not in THEIR best interest for you to allow them to build around an issue. You COULD just assure them that you are TOTALLY opposed to sin (see last night’s email entitled, “Whew!!” : ))—and just let them know that if they want to Walk with y’all and feel like God is directing that (and if YOU continue to feel that this may be true—and let them know YOU must concur on that matter—you are not “begging” them to be around you!)... then y’all can work things out together WHEN they come up. But you will NOT etch in stone some doctrinal position. Jesus would have failed that test, by “breaking the law” with the “woman caught in adultery.” And He WROTE the law that He did not follow through on, by any observer’s vantage point. That’s why, in John 6 also, so many people left Him. They couldn’t get their MINDS around it all, so they freaked out and bailed. BAD DECISION! But JESUS knew, only the ones who would build around Him in LIFE were suitable to live with and work with ANYWAY. So, He let them go, and invited others to leave too. THAT’S your place here. Invite them to build around the LIFE of Jesus, or let them go. You do NOT need the perpetual headache of anyone around you who builds with their minds and their fears—there will never be an END to it! Just ask them to trust, and to work together with you to deal with sin WHEN IT COMES UP, by listening to GOD at the time—and that’s all you’ll EVER “promise” them.

And, the truth is, IF we build well for Him TOGETHER IN OUR DAILY LIVES, we can work through about ANYTHING. That’s His Plan. Not that painful or difficult or complicated or hard-to-understand things could never come up (though they will be reduced by 95% or more)—but that we CAN work together in love and peace, without panic or fear or judgment or reaction, to anything. If you are BUILDING in Love, DAILY, the gates of Hell will not prevail. That does not mean, again, that there will never be challenges to our understandings or situations, but it does mean that the love and loyalties and patience and kindness and redemptiveness that have been built every day, through Blood, sweat, and tears... will allow ANY situation to be Resolved with Wisdom and Love and Forgiveness, in Him. The Premium is on BUILDING WELL, not “perfect agreement in advance on every doctrinal opinion.”

It was GOD who said to Peter the UNTHINKABLE: “Take, kill, and eat!” It could NOT have fit into Peter’s doctrinal box, but it was TRUE ANYWAY! Peter had learned (just barely enough!) to not let his MIND govern every view of every matter, no matter HOW “wrong” it seemed to him. It was the Fruit, the Life, the Reality that would Light his way—not his “normal view of things.” THIS paid off of REALLY well for Peter, as it will for all of us today. “The LIFE becomes the Light of men.”

SO, I know that is a “mouthful”—but this is a pivotal time for this relationship you have with these guys. If you give in now to their “demands” (no matter how well-intentioned they may be in them, coming out of their “hurts”)—there will never be an end to it. If you begin buttoning your shirt with the wrong button in the wrong buttonhole, you can’t FIX it by anything later on. You’ve GOT to start out right. This is that.

Well, below is a letter on the subject, though brief and somewhat different in topic—but it may make the point in a slightly different way, too. AND, you’ll notice a good bit of applicable overlap, since the topic was similar.

Our love to you “down under”!

In His Name,

With the saints here

_______________

Hey ..

How do you guys respond to people you come in contact with who have been divorced and are now living in a second marriage? I’m not asking for you to give me a “how to,” I just want to know what you have found the Lord leading you to do in the past...

Your sis,

Hi...... Certainly we are WELL aware of every Scripture in existence on the subject. Of course. Catch this though: Practically, I know of no other way of dealing with “marriage and divorce” and a thousand other such issues than to DISCERN in the midst of committed “from the least to the greatest” daily Life. Every situation is different, with its own specific issues and nuances. In one case, we might be certain as we walked in depth for some time with a married couple (“smelling the fruit” with no preconceived notion, but watching to see what GOD was saying in the midst of it)—that God is very unhappy with whatever they had done and whatever had transpired. The legal paperwork that allowed them to claim they were married (because the “state” said so) is nonsense and they were obviously living in adultery and under God’s judgment. There would always be chaos and contradiction and an odor, as long as they perpetuate this faulty covenant, while still under another.

In another case, AS WE WALK WITH THEM it becomes clear that whatever had happened and whatever details had marred their past, God honors their current state (marriage—a second for either of the partners)—and so would we. How anyone could EVER make a series of “doctrinal” statements to “define” it all (knowing full well that there are many reasonable, sensible, and honest interpretations of different passages in 1Cor.7, Mat.19:9, etc.) “forever more”—well, that’s just haughty and foolish. It MUST be discerned in the midst of LIFE (which few people HAVE, so they must resort to their minds and own private interpretations). “The LIFE becomes the Light of men.” “The CHURCH: the pillar and foundation of Truth.”

All of that to say... there isn’t a “how to” (you guessed right)—and most would be VERY hard pressed to “guess” correctly even 50% of the time. Since most folks don’t LIVE as the “Bible” says to live (as an individual in their hidden lives, or as a Body of Believers that lives nothing like what God has called His People to as a Church), “interpreting” nuances and complex situations will not be possible for them. They will perpetually judge an unrighteous judgment (by allowing what must not be tolerated, and forbidding what God has honored) because they are in an unBiblical environment trying to interpret the Bible. It would be like sitting all day, every day, in a Denny’s restaurant at the counter eating donuts, commenting on the deep mysteries of the universe, the global economy, brain surgery, and astrophysics. It’s just talk if you’re not in the MIDDLE of the Life that SPAWNED the Bible. THAT’S the only way to really know... “the LIFE became the Light of men.”