Stepping Out

1/6/1996

With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.II Thessalonians 1:11

22

THE RICHARDSONS’ NEW HOUSE in Pine Ridge was finally complete. As the last box made its way down the long ramp from the moving truck into the house, Alan Hart wiped the sweat off his forehead. “I think that’s it. Is the pizza here yet?”

“It should be here any minute,” came the reply from a distant voice. “Everyone’s meeting at your place in ten minutes.”

“Sounds great! I’m famished, and it’s too cold out here to just stand still.” Alan jumped from the back of the truck.

“I can’t believe how easy this move was! We unloaded that whole twenty-four-foot truck in less than one hour.” Aaron Richardson shook his head emphatically. “It took us a whole day to load it with the help of a co-worker of mine.”

“Well,” replied Alan, “that’s because you’re part of a family now. I can’t imagine what it would be like to try to move all by myself.”

Within minutes, the Harts’ home was teeming with its familiar host of children, adults, and hot pizza boxes. The room was filled with the kind of warmth that most people only taste during the holidays. It felt good to be alive.

As Carolyn was getting acquainted with Kathy Richardson, a familiar face entered the front door. Carolyn felt her spirit lift as she saw Marsha’s daughter for the first time since she had left for college in August. As politely as possible, she finished her conversation with the newcomer and headed for the door.

“So, how did it go this semester?” Carolyn asked. The excitement in her voice was obvious. She was very fond of Amy and made no attempt to hide it. “Marsha told me her ‘little girl’ was coming home this week, but it still took me by surprise to see you stroll through the door.” By the time she had finished her sentence, she had made a mock pigtail from a ringlet of Amy’s hair.

Amy’s silent response was awkward, and Carolyn flushed with embarrassment. Maybe I shouldn’t have grabbed her hair that way? She is in college now. I hope I haven’t offended her. Carolyn paused and carefully considered her next question. “Amy, is everything okay? Did I offend you?”

Amy interjected abruptly, ending the silence, “Oh no, you haven’t done anything wrong at all. It’s just…” Amy turned her head as emotion gave way to tears.

Carolyn wasn’t sure what to say. “Um…would you like to go for a walk?”

Amy answered with a nod. Carolyn grabbed her coat and followed Amy out the door.

They walked in silence for several blocks until, finally, Amy spoke. “Carolyn…” Her words were slow and painstaking. “I’m in real trouble. I…don’t know how to say this, but…I’m pregnant.” The last two words were barely a whisper as Amy let out a silent cry, and tears began to stream down her face.

“Oh, Amy,” Carolyn sighed as she turned to embrace her. “I don’t know what to say.” The painful awkwardness was no longer a mystery. Carolyn struggled for words. The recent turmoil in her own heart climaxed at that moment. How could this happen? She felt unprepared and unqualified to help. All of the responses in her mind seemed canned. She quickly breathed a silent prayer for wisdom as she searched for the words to sustain the weary — words of comfort and hope. That was God’s promise for all who walk with Him.

“Carolyn, I knew it was wrong. I didn’t intend…I didn’t mean…” Amy shook her head, crying. “What can I say? It’s all my fault. I have no one to blame but myself. Oh, Carolyn, I would give anything, anything to go back in time and change this.” Amy stopped walking and put her face into her hands as she wept bitterly.

Inside Carolyn, a battle raged as she felt the weight of her own guilt. She had watched Amy grow up and had always assumed Amy was growing spiritually — becoming a true woman of God. She realized now that she had never taken the time to find out for sure.

Carolyn had taken it for granted that their informal Church environment would automatically produce a relationship with God. Amy was a warm person who had always shown more interest in spiritual things than her peers. Her quiet, gentle spirit made her likeable. But these characteristics, though commendable, were not enough. There was something deeper God was looking for. This was now painfully obvious.

Carolyn placed her hand gently on Amy’s shoulder. She was torn. She wanted to comfort her, to give her a big hug and promise her it would all be okay, but she hated the thought of being a source of false comfort. Amy had sinned against Jesus. If she was ever going to find true healing, she must come to terms with that.

“Amy, I’m proud of you for being honest and taking responsibility for your actions. But regret isn’t enough.” Carolyn again breathed a prayer, not wanting Amy to misunderstand. “To find true freedom and true healing, there must be true repentance. You can’t view this as just a mistake you’ve made. You’ve got to see it as sin — something that really has hurt Jesus. But it doesn’t have to end there.” Carolyn lifted Amy’s chin and looked into her eyes. “Your Father in Heaven knew this day would come even before you were born. This whole thing can be used as a tool that brings you into a deeper, personal relationship with God.”

Amy looked down.

“Do you want that, Amy?”

Amy nodded.

“Then you should tell Him. Tell Jesus you’re sorry. Ask Him to forgive you, not as a religious act to make yourself feel better, but because He’s a real Person and He wants you to talk with Him.”

Amy began walking again and Carolyn followed in silence, giving Amy the room she seemed to need. After a few minutes, Amy slowed, allowing Carolyn to walk alongside her again.

“Carolyn, thanks a lot for talking honestly with me. If this really can be a tool for me to know God better, then I don’t want to miss it.”

Carolyn smiled and gave Amy a hug. “I don’t want you to, either.”

They turned and began walking back up the block. Once the house was in sight, Amy looked to Carolyn. “I haven’t told Mom yet.”

“You know you’re going to need to. Right?”

“I know,” Amy sighed. “But I’m afraid.” She bit her bottom lip.

Carolyn weighed the possibilities, then offered, “Would you like me to go with you?”

“Would you?!” Amy brightened at the thought.

“Yes!” Carolyn’s voice rang with resolve. “I want to help any way I can.”

“I know,” Amy replied with relief. “I think it would help a lot if you came.”

“I’d be glad to.”

LATER THAT NIGHT, after the furniture was in place and the pictures were hung, the sound of rattling dishes could still be heard in the Richardsons’ new home. Marsha was hard at work serving her new neighbor. She and Kathy were putting the kitchen together, making sure everything was in its proper place.

“Now, Kathy, you may have a better idea, but I always like to keep my spices right next to my stove,” Marsha commented as she wiped the cupboard again.

“Well…Marsha.” Kathy hesitated, still not familiar with all of the new names. “We really don’t have many spices.”

“Oh, I’ll take care of that. You just reserve enough space there.”

“That’d be great.” Kathy looked again at the empty boxes scattered across the floor. “You’ve all been so kind. I didn’t think people could care so much.”

“You know, Kathy, this kitchen is almost perfect.” Marsha looked around, tapping her mouth with her finger. “But I think it still needs a nice floral valance over that window.”

“Oh, we have one of those. I think it’s upstairs. Let me go check.” With that, Kathy was off, and Marsha turned to make her final inspection.

As she opened one of the lower cabinets and looked inside, she heard footsteps behind her.

“Mom.”

Marsha turned to see Amy and Carolyn walk into the kitchen. “Hi, Sweetie! Where have you been hiding yourself?”

“Oh, I took a walk with Carolyn.” She paused, took a deep breath and continued, “In fact, Mom,…that’s why I’m here. Can we talk?”

“Well, not right now, Dear.” Marsha stooped down to scrub a spot she had noticed on the floor. “Kathy’s coming back with a curtain. I promised I would help her. She really does need me, you know?”

“Mom…it’s important.” Tears began to force their way down Amy’s cheeks.

The quiver in Amy’s voice caught Marsha’s attention. She looked up from her scrubbing chore. “Amy, what’s the matter?”

“Marsha—” Carolyn put her hand on Amy’s shoulder. “Maybe we should go over to your house and talk. It’s important. I’ll find someone else to help Kathy hang the curtain.”

Marsha’s face showed noticeable worry. “Oh…okay…any­thing for my baby girl.”

AMY, CAROLYN AND MARSHA sat around the small glass table that was the centerpiece of the Harts’ breakfast nook. The air was thick with anticipation and awkwardness. Marsha almost unconsciously rearranged the contents of the fruit basket as she looked from Amy to Carolyn and back to her own hands. The worried expression on her face temporarily lifted as she spoke. “Can I get either of you something to drink?”

Amy looked at Carolyn. Carolyn nodded reassuringly. Amy swallowed hard, took a deep breath and began. “No…Mom. I need to get this out.”

“Get what out, Dear? If there’s something on your mind, you know you can talk to me.”

“Mom…I’m…” Amy wiped her cheeks with her sleeve. “I’m pregnant.” She caught a glimpse into her mother’s eyes, then broke down with tears of shame.

Carolyn placed her hand on Amy’s back while Marsha stared in stunned silence through her daughter, out into the cold night beyond.

Several minutes passed before Amy finally pulled herself together enough to look up. “Mom…I am so sorry!”

Marsha fought to slow her racing thoughts. She looked through wet eyes at her brown-eyed little girl, who had suddenly become a stranger. Trying to understand her own feelings, she spoke aloud, though to no one in particular. “How could this have happened?” Marsha crumpled a napkin in her hand. “I tried to protect you from the world. I home-schooled you for twelve years. I sent you to a Bible college. I…I don’t understand. Why?” She paused, put her face in her hands and shook her head. “Ever since you were little, we always taught you about the Bible. We’ve been having daily devotionals for years.” She looked at Amy. “Don’t you remember? You even memorized the whole sermon on the mount when you were eleven.” Tears came to Marsha’s eyes at the memory. She sat dazed. “I just can’t believe this. My daughter, pregnant. At a Bible college. How could it be? We had so much hope for you. Where could I have gone wrong?” The tears became heavier, and she buried her face in her hands.

Amy found herself crying again as well. She battled inside, not wanting to let her mother take the blame. “Mom…” Amy steadied her voice. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I must…I do take responsibility for my own choices. It’s my fault.”

“Your fault? Oh, Honey, you’ve always been the sweetest girl, such a servant, always eager to help with the house or other people’s children. I remember the time that Mrs—”

“Mom!” Amy interrupted, more composed. “This isn’t about me watching people’s children. I did all that stuff, but that didn’t stop me from getting pregnant. I don’t understand exactly what happened. I mean…I know it’s wrong. You did teach me that, and I believe it. But, when it came down to making choices…I didn’t have inside of me whatever I needed to be able to really obey God.”

Marsha and Amy both looked down in silence. Amy soaked in the reality of what she had just said while Marsha sat lost in a world of scattered thoughts and confusion.

“But you were at a Bible college. Don’t they have rules to prevent these kinds of things? Aren’t there curfews and things like that?”

Amy closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. She sighed. “Mom, I went to school believing the Bible college was a safe place to be, that I would be protected, and it would be easy to do the right things. But I found out that it’s not that way at all. You wouldn’t believe some of the things I saw there.” Amy closed her eyes and stopped. “But I can’t blame the college or anyone. I made the choice. It’s not that I went looking for ways around the rules. But I met Rick, fell in love…and I gave in to my own emotions and desires.” Amy paused again. “I wasn’t strong inside, Mom. No matter how much I studied about it, and no matter how many safeguards were in place, it wasn’t inside me. I knew what it looked like to obey God, but somehow that wasn’t enough.”

23

THIS WAS EXCITING! George Archer felt clearer and more alive, as though much of the recent fog had lifted. Two hours earlier, when he first set foot in the restaurant meeting room, he had not imagined the time would actually have any impact on him.

He started the car, threw it into gear and began an energetic drive home. The tires squealed slightly as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main street. Driving by instinct, his mind was flooded with the implications of what he’d just experienced.

He had been dubious when he first saw the flyer advertising, “Weekly, City-wide Interdenominational Pastors and Leaders Prayer Breakfast.” Who among his colleagues wouldn’t have been? He had even cringed at the word interdenominational. Yet, something about it all had still sparked an interest, a…hunger.

What was it he went looking for? He wasn’t shopping for a new denomination. Perish the thought! He certainly wasn’t looking for new ideas to implement. No. Somehow, it was simpler than that. He was just looking for…hope? For an answer? But what was the question?

He sat pondering. The blast of a car horn behind him alerted him that the light had changed to green. George waved a quick apology and was once again on his way.

So, why this searching? There was no doubt that George Archer was committed to his heritage. The beliefs and traditions he’d been taught by his father and grandfather had long been a source of identity and strength. But his recent inner turmoil had driven him to look deeper than ever before, to ask questions he’d never thought to ask. In the process, he had discovered in himself something new. For the first time, he had seen the embryo of a commitment to something other than the denomination of his heritage. It wasn’t to another group or another belief structure. No. It was to the Church universal — the one Jesus bled for, world-wide, across all man-made barriers. To unity without regard to sectarian denominationalism. One large brotherhood — those truly sold out to Him alone — advancing the cause of Christ.

The meeting had gone well. Oddly, he couldn’t remember much of what they talked about. And at the moment it didn’t seem to matter. He was floored by the care he’d seen in many of the people at the meeting. That much he knew. All of his life, he’d been led to believe that only those of his denominational heritage were truly favored by God. Yet, he’d witnessed today people who did seem to genuinely care about what God was doing and about each other. He’d never thought it possible that men of different backgrounds, with different doctrines, could hug each other, call each other brother, and even pray for each other. Impressive!

24

IT HAD BEEN A FULL DAY and Carolyn lay flat on her back, wide-eyed. The gravity of last night’s conversation with Marsha and Amy still lingered. As she stared at the ceiling, memories from the last four years inundated her mind.

Ted glanced over at Carolyn. She looked unsettled. He made a mental note and returned to his reading. He’d seen her this way before and wasn’t eager to get into one of those conversations. Her sobriety made Ted uneasy.

He was still staring at the first paragraph when Carolyn turned toward him and propped her head on her hand. She sighed heavily, and he knew a serious conversation was imminent. He read the same sentence four times before finally relenting to her eyes.

“Something on your mind?” he resigned softly, placing his book on the nightstand. He turned to his wife and assumed a mirrored posture.

She looked him in the eyes. “How do you think things are going in the community lately?”

“Fine, I guess. Why? What do you mean?”

“Well, do you remember what we were talking about a few weeks back?” She sat up, facing Ted. “I guess I’m still feeling troubled that there is some realness that seems to be lacking.” She looked for a reaction on Ted’s face, then continued, “Recently I’ve been kind of taking a look around and wondering if we’re walking in all God has for us.”

“What do you mean? What more do you want?” Ted asked incredulously. “I mean, compared to where we were before…” He didn’t finish his sentence, feeling it spoke for itself. “Not that things are perfect. But, man, we’ve come a long way from Sunday morning Christianity, from sermons and time-stamped praise and worship.”

“Yeah, I know. But—”

“But what?” Ted snapped.

A hurt look flashed across her face. “You’re right, we have come a long way. But I just want to see us go all the way, to walk in all that Jesus desires for us. That’s all.”

“And you’re saying I don’t want that!” Now Ted sat up and faced Carolyn.

“I’m not saying that.”

“Then what are you saying?”

The impatient tension in Ted’s voice temporarily paralyzed Carolyn. What had started as a simple question suddenly had all the energy of a courtroom trial. Reluctantly, Carolyn responded.

“What I’m saying is, maybe we’ve stopped short. I think what happened with Amy has made it obvious we’ve gone wrong somewhere. Can’t we at least consider it?”

“Oh, come on! I know Amy’s situation took everyone by surprise, but let’s not overreact. One sin isn’t a reason to question our whole existence here. We’ve got a pretty special thing going, and I would hate to see it spoiled by oversensitivity and paranoia.”

That stung. Carolyn took a deep breath and proceeded calmly. “It’s not just Amy, Ted. Even before Amy, I started noticing a shallowness in my own heart. You know that. Remember?”

Ted surrendered a conceding nod.

Carolyn continued, “It’s easy to just kind of meander from one informal gathering to another with no real passion for Jesus. Does Jesus really have full reign in our lives just because we no longer have scheduled meetings and programs? I know Jesus wants a Church, not just scattered individuals. But how is that being expressed in practical ways, every day? Are we becoming less carnal and selfish? Are we going anywhere, or are we just content to not be a part of the religious system? I don’t know for sure. I’m just disturbed with the lack of vision in my own heart and life and what appears to me to be a lack in the lives of the others.”

“Carolyn!” Ted said curtly. “I’m glad God is showing you some things about yourself. But don’t project those things on everybody else.” He calmed himself to make his point. “Sometimes when God is convicting us of something, we tend to assume everyone else is guilty of the same thing. I’m not sure everyone else feels the shallowness and lack of purpose and direction you’re speaking of.”

“So, are you saying that you’re satisfied with your life?”

Ted’s face tightened. He was tempted to lash out but could see her question was sincere and not intended as a dig. “Well, there’s always room for improvement.”

Silence suspended the next few moments until Ted continued, “But…I don’t feel like I, or anyone else here for that matter, am as shallow as you’re describing.” He held her eyes. “I’m sure if we happen to fall short in some area and God brought it to our attention, we would all respond to what God was showing us.” Ted rested his case, hoping she would see the logic of his argument.

Carolyn seemed to accept his answer, but she was actually more disturbed than when she began. They said good night and lay back down, each now facing opposite walls. It would be another hour before either of them fell asleep.

25

THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Carolyn sat on the floor with Marie, helping her play with her favorite wooden blocks. Ted usually finished weight training with the boys around 5:00. It was 5:35 and Carolyn expected him any minute.

Her pulse quickened, anxious about Ted’s arrival. He’d left for work before she woke up that morning and hadn’t called her all day. After the exchange of strong words the night before, she wondered what she would say. She handed Marie the last block, which the child placed roughly on top of the teetering block tower. Crash! Down it came and Marie let out a delighted giggle. Just then, Carolyn heard a car door shut. Ted was home.

She took a breath as his jingling keys opened the front door.

“Carolyn, I’m home,” he called, poking his head into the house.

“I’m in here with Marie.”

His eyes momentarily found hers in the living room and she noted his sheepish expression. He didn’t stop to take off his coat. He just walked toward her, one hand behind his back. He then revealed a large bouquet of white and yellow daisies.

Her apprehensive expression melted into a smile when she saw the apologetic look on his face.

“Sweetheart,” Ted began, “I’ve been thinking and praying all day about last night’s conversation. And I want you to know that I…” He tried to find words. “I spoke hastily a few times and I want to apologize for my attitude. I’m not satisfied with my life, and I do think I’m missing some of the reality of knowing Jesus and the strength of being in the middle of His will.” As he spoke, she could see his eyes beginning to well up. “This morning I was reading a verse where Paul said he was in the ‘pains of childbirth,’ wanting Christ to be formed in his brothers. That whole idea seems so foreign to me. I’ve never known the pain of spending myself to see my brothers grow. I’ve always just assumed that by being around each other a lot, we’d grow by…osmosis.

“I am sorry for being defensive.” Ted looked his wife in the eyes. “I don’t want to live like a spiritual vegetable. I do want to be a true man of God!”

“I forgive you, Ted,” Carolyn answered with joy in her voice. Ted was relieved as she jumped up and gave him a hug.

“In all honesty, Carolyn, I still don’t know if I fully understand all of this. I know we need to be more involved in each others lives, but shouldn’t we let the Holy Spirit work on people’s hearts, just like He worked on mine today?”

She consoled with her eyes and pleaded tenderly, “Ted, I’m not trying to take any credit away from the Spirit’s work, but do you think you would have wrestled with God today if we hadn’t talked last night? Hasn’t God almost always used human vessels to help others see the blind spots that they are ignorant of? Nathan with David, Samuel with Saul, Paul with Peter…”

She paused, placing her hands in his. “Truthfully, my concerns aren’t about anything that I have not also fallen short in. I’m not pointing any fingers. But the ability to do what you and I have just been doing — opening our lives up, being lovingly honest with shortcomings we see in each other…even these simple things haven’t been the way of life among us as a whole. I don’t know why, but I believe that is part of the solution. Do you know what I mean?”

“Uh, I think so. But it’s definitely uncharted waters for me.” Ted took his coat off and walked toward the closet.

“Well,” she decided, “I think I’ll find a vase for these lovely flowers.” She walked into the kitchen, thanking God.

26

IT WAS THE FIRST DAY of the spring semester. As the 8:00 hour drew to a close, George examined the classroom full of students. This semester is going to be different. If a lack of relationship had been part of Rick’s undoing, George was determined to see that others didn’t fall prey.

After making foreboding references to term papers and the grading scale, George dismissed the class. On his way out the door, a lanky, red-haired student approached the professor. “Mr. Archer,” he asked, facing his professor with a serious eye, “what did you mean when you said God’s Kingdom was bigger than any of our tiny perspectives or backgrounds?”

George smiled and laughed softly. “Well, Eric…how about if you come with me to a meeting tomorrow morning?”

THE NEXT MORNING, after the city-wide prayer breakfast, George Archer and Eric walked across the restaurant parking lot. George’s stride was slow. His eyes were on the pebble he sent periodically skipping off the end of his shoe. He wasn’t sure what was tugging soberly at his insides.

As they pulled away from the restaurant parking lot, Eric broke the silence. “Professor, you seem troubled. Did something happen?”

George shook his head slowly, without emotion. “I’m…I’m not sure.”

Eric was confused. There was something about his new professor that intrigued him and drew his respect. However, this morning’s behavior had him puzzled. He tried to change the subject, hoping to engage the professor in conversation and ease the awkwardness they both felt.

“I was really fascinated by the discussion at the end of the meeting today. I’d never…”

“Well, I wasn’t fascinated!” Professor Archer shot back, interrupting with sudden energy. He surprised himself with his abrupt behavior. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

Eric quickly recovered from his initial shock. “What bothered you, Professor — the unity discussion?”

The professor shook his head. “No, not exactly. I’m all for unity.” He turned on his blinker and made a quick left onto College Avenue. “I’m not really sure why I’m so disappointed. Perhaps it’s nothing.”

“Did you disagree with something that was taught?”

“Maybe.” George furrowed his brow. “I’ve been trying to not get hung up on doctrinal differences. But this bothers me in a different way. It didn’t just violate my intellect.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know…yet. If I could tell you, I would.” At that moment, they pulled into the faculty parking lot. As they got out of the car, George promised, “When I come up with something, I’ll get back with you. Okay?”

They parted ways and George headed toward his office.

THREE HOURS LATER, Amy and her roommate, Diane, strolled in silence across the lawn toward the student center.

Diane broke the silence with a chuckle. “For the first time in history, I don’t know what to say.” She laughed again, uncomfortably. Tasting her own shallowness, she tried to recover. “Amy, I really do want to know if there’s any way I can help.”

Amy smiled back. “Thanks. Sorry again for not letting you know sooner and for worrying you.”

As they entered the student center, Diane gave her a hug. She then turned and started back toward the dorm with Amy staring after her. Carolyn was right. She thoughtfully rubbed her cold hands together. That wasn’t easy. But I know it was the right thing to do. Though it had been awkward, there was something very freeing about being honest and facing the truth.

With her roommate almost out of sight, Amy looked down and pulled a piece of scrap paper out of her purse. She studied it. “I guess it’s on to the mail room.”

She swung open the door and saw a familiar face. “Hi, Professor Archer.” George perked up a bit and broke into a smile. “Well, hello, Amy. It’s good to see you. How are you?”

Amy’s voice was chipper. “I’m doing better. Really, I am. I talked to my parents.”

“Oh, you did? Good. It must have gone well.”

“As well as I could hope.” Amy smiled slightly. “I’ve had a lot of help from a special friend through it all. It’s been difficult, but good.”

Despite the risk of disappointment, George ventured, “Have you heard anything from Rick?”

Amy looked past George and stared out the mail room windows. Hadn’t this been her daily expectation and hope? Regretfully, she answered, “No, Mr. Archer. I haven’t heard from him…I’m not sure I ever will.”

That final admission shocked her, but Amy knew it was the truth. Somehow, George knew also.

They stood in silence for a moment. Then George, eager to change the subject, asked, “Are…are you in classes this semester?”

“Oh, no. I just had some things to take care of. Forwarding my mail back home and stuff like that. Mostly I came to see my roommate.”

George glanced at his watch. “Well, I’m off to the student cafeteria. Would you like some lunch?”

“The student cafeteria?”

He smiled and chuckled, “Yes. I’m planning to eat my lunch there this semester.”

“Wow, that sounds neat. I’ll bet you’ll get some funny looks.” She laughed. “I don’t think I’ll go. It’s still not real easy even being here.” She looked around.

“I understand. It’s great to see you, Amy. Take care.”

27

“EMILY, DO YOU remember making withdrawals of fifty dollars and thirty dollars on December fifth and seventh?” Wayne asked as his eyes darted from his bank statement to his small pile of receipts.

Emily looked up from her ironing and glanced at her husband who was at the kitchen table trying to balance the checkbook.

“Oh, yeah, that was the week that we ran out of checks and I had to use my bank card. Um…I think the seventh is when I took Virginia to lunch.”

“Well, why didn’t you get the receipts to me, Emily? This is at least the third time in the last six months! How many times do I have to tell you — you’ve got to get the receipts to me right away.” Wayne closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” his wife replied as tears began to well up in her eyes. “I try very hard to remember to get them to you, but one thing or another…” She cut herself short as she ducked into the bathroom for a tissue.

Why can’t she just do the simple things I ask her? Wayne slumped in his chair, his conscience informing him he had crossed a line. He stared out the window, arms crossed. Hearing Emily blow her nose in the bathroom, he got up from his chair. He needed to apologize to his wife.

“Honey, I’m sorry. Can I talk with you?” Wayne asked as he shook his head in disgust with himself. Emily gently pulled the door open a few inches so her husband could enter. As he pushed open the door and saw his wife looking at the floor, he felt like a heel. He placed his finger under her chin to lift her gaze.

“Emily, I am really sorry. I was out of line a few minutes ago. Please forgive me.”

Emily blinked her eyes slowly and nodded her head. Her husband continued, “This isn’t an excuse, Em, but I am beginning to feel a lot of financial pressure as I finish up my last few weeks at Hampton Street.”

“But why? You have seemed so strong and full of faith through all of this. The way you snapped at me seemed to come out of nowhere.”

“You’re right, Em. Two things are going on inside of me. On one hand, I feel like I’m gaining more understanding of God’s heart for His Church and for my life than ever before. On the other hand, I’m faced with the reality that I won’t have an income in a few weeks, and it scares me to death.”

“But that elder from the church in Florida called and said he was very interested in your becoming the minister there. You are going to call him back, aren’t you?”

“I thought I was, but I’m not sure if God really wants me to be a minister—the way people usually think of ministers.”

“What do you mean?”

“Something seems very wrong to me about the whole process. That elder from Stony Creek wants a copy of my resume. He wants a videotape of one of my sermons. He wants to interview me.”

“But you know that’s the way things are always done.”

“That’s the way things are done today, but that’s not the way it was in the New Testament. Can you imagine the Church in Thessalonica asking the apostle Paul for his resume and a sermon on tape? Would they schedule a job interview with him so that they could possibly ‘hire’ him? It’s absolute craziness! When he asked me for a video of one of my sermons, I wanted to scream.”

“Now, Wayne, you have preached some wonderful sermons that have helped a lot of people. You should be glad that God has given you the ability to communicate well. There’s no reason to feel bad about sending him a tape that shows how God can use you.”

“It’s not the teaching, Honey. There’s something wrong with the whole system when it requires sending tapes, dressing up in suits, and trying to impress people — so you can receive money for making speeches and planning programs. The more I read the New Testament, the more absurd a lot of the religious world seems. That’s just not how the Church functioned in the days of Jesus and the apostles.”

“But you have so much to offer people. And if you are going to be in a position where God can use you, there is no choice but to go through the interview process.”

“But, Em, it’s flat out not in the Bible! In fact, according to the teachings of Jesus and Paul, the whole idea of hirelings and clergy/laity makes God sick!”

“But how will you support our family if you don’t get a job as a minister?”

“I don’t know, Emily.”

“You’re not saying that you won’t go to that interview, are you, Wayne?”

“I don’t know, Em. I just don’t know.”

28

THE USUAL DIN of studying, eating and chatter filled the air of the student center. Ten o’clock classes were out, and many of the students were trying to squeeze in a snack during the short break before their next class. George grabbed a cup of coffee and scanned the room, looking for someone willing to share a table. He noticed Eric over in the corner, entombed in stacks of books and notes.

“Eric!” George raised his voice, moving toward a corner table.

“Oh, hi, Mr. Archer.”

“What are you doing in here with all those books?” George asked. “Shouldn’t you be in the library?”

“Well, actually,” he smiled slyly, “I was hoping I might run into you. I heard you hang out here sometimes.”

George laughed softly. He was growing fond of this student’s unique personality. “Then it’s a good thing I saw you over here in your fortress. What’s with all the books?”

“Oh, I’m just finishing some research for my one o’clock communications class. I’m giving a speech about the Scottish wars for independence during the early fourteenth century. It’s pretty interesting stuff. I started checking out books and…I got a little carried away.”

“I see you did.” George smiled broadly. “I’m glad I caught you. I was hoping to find you, too. I wanted to clear up any confusion I may have caused you after the city-wide prayer breakfast the other day. I had a lot going on inside and didn’t want to just blurt out everything I was feeling. I wanted a chance to think about it.”

Eric nodded slowly. “Yeah, after chewing on it for a few days, that analogy about different tribes seemed like quite a leap to justify denominationalism.”

“And it was,” George cut in. “Comparing the twelve tribes of Israel to the denominations of today, as if God really wanted denominational boundaries in His Church, is ridiculous. It whitewashes our divisions. It doesn’t resolve them.”

“So,” Eric joined, “instead of dealing with our lack of unity, we redefine it.”

“Exactly!” George’s eyes and voice were now animated. “Instead of repenting for building walls of division between brothers — we revise it and pretend it was God’s idea all along. Do you follow me?”

“Oh, I follow you all right! So, what’s the motive?”

George shifted a little in the booth. “That’s simple. Instead of working to bring about actual unity, now we can just agree to get along — and chalk all our differences up to different giftings.” George shook his head in disbelief. “It gives pastors the freedom to preach about unity without having to jeopardize their position. It doesn’t disrupt the control of their flocks or their tithing base.”

29

“WAYNE DAVIDSON, good to meet you at last. I feel like I practically know you from your sermon tapes and your resume.” Bob Weston, Chairman of Stony Creek’s search committee, pumped Wayne’s hand energetically as he invited him into his office.

“Good to meet you, too, Bob,” Wayne replied, forcing a smile. What am I doing here? I’m not sure I’m cut out for this anymore.

“I’m glad you were able to fly down here to be with us. All the elders on the search committee have been very impressed with your qualifications and we’re all excited to meet you. We hope you enjoyed that little extra surprise of the first class seat assignment. I always like to do that when I’m flying. The extra legroom and the television are worth the price, I think.”

As Wayne sat down across from Bob’s desk, he felt a sinking feeling inside. Memories of previous job interviews came to mind, and he recalled the energy and enthusiasm he had projected in them. That energy and enthusiasm seemed completely lacking now.

“Stony Creek is a special Church, Wayne. There are wonderful families here — good, decent people. We have folks of all ages. Our youth group is strong. We have a great singles ministry. And, as you would expect in a Florida Church, we have our share of retirees.”

“What are some of the challenges you are facing, Bob?” Wayne surprised himself as he asked the question without intending to.

“That’s a good question, Wayne,” Bob replied, somewhat taken aback. “I can see that you’re a man who likes to get right to the point. I like that.” Bob paused for a moment as he loosened the tie around his plump neck.

“I’ll tell it to you straight, Wayne. Two years ago, a new Church opened up about a mile down the road. It was started by a guy who had been a professional musician. He’s a nice enough guy and he puts a big emphasis on music. From what I hear, he’s got a regular concert going every Sunday morning. Anyway, a couple of leading families left us to go there, and there’s been a steady trickle in that direction ever since.”

This sounds like two entertainment companies competing with each other. What’s this have to do with the Kingdom of God? Wayne looked intently at the elder across the desk from him.

“Now, I think we have the music thing fixed,” Bob continued. “Two months ago, we hired a music minister, a young man with a lot of talent. And attendance has been creeping back up ever since. Now we need to put the icing on the cake, which is why we brought you down here.” Bob sat forward in his chair and clasped his thick hands together.

“What we need is a dynamic, energetic, take-charge kind of a pastor. We need the kind of pastor who can take this Church back to where it was a couple of years ago and even beyond. We need a pastor who can preach great sermons, launch several programs at once, and get everyone involved and excited about Stony Creek again. There is so much potential here, Wayne. We just need the right person to tap it. Does this sound like something you would be interested in?”

Wayne felt sickened by Bob’s business mindset. “Before I answer your question, let me ask one or two more of my own, if I can.” Wayne waited for Bob to nod before proceeding. “In your view, what is the quality of the spiritual life in the average member here? Is there an eager pursuit of holiness? Is there true consecration to Jesus Himself? Is there a deep desire on the part of everyone, I mean everyone, to put God first in their lives?”

Bob pulled a handkerchief from his shirt pocket and patted his brow with a puzzled look on his face. “I think I told you what a great group of people we have here, Wayne. That’s what I mean when I say this place has so much potential.” Bob paused, then began again with renewed eagerness. “Something I haven’t mentioned to you are some of the benefits that we offer the pastor here: a generous salary, health and dental insurance, retirement program, a Church-supplied car, a library allowance, two weeks vacation the first year and time off to travel to workshops and conferences — all expenses paid. We expect a lot from our pastor, but we also intend to take good care of him.”

For an instant, Wayne felt like an observer, as if he were watching this interview from a distance. This is exactly how the world functions. How can God be in this?! Still, the talk of medical insurance stirred up a fear inside of him as he remembered Emily and the children.

“So, I think you have an understanding of the challenge — and the opportunity — that we have here at Stony Creek, Wayne. What do you think? Does this sound like the kind of challenge that a man of your abilities would be interested in?”

Wayne hesitated, thoughts of his financial responsibilities still gnawing at him. He also felt twinges of guilt as he thought about the expenses these people had taken to fly him down here. No, I must be true to You, God, and let the chips fall where they may.

“Bob, I came down here in good faith, thinking Stony Creek might be the place God wanted me to be. But I just don’t think I’m the man you’re looking for.” Wayne stood up and extended his hand to Bob. “Thank you for your interest in me and for covering the expense to bring me down, but I think you’re going to have to find someone else. I’m sorry.”

WAYNE SETTLED into his rental car in Stony Creek’s parking lot, glad to be by himself and to have the interview behind him. Now what? Two days in Miami with nothing to do. Maybe I could get my flight changed?…Oh, yeah! How about that guy I met on the plane…

He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, removed a card and read it again:

Mark Wallace, Marine Biologist.

Hmmm. Maybe I’ll give this guy a call.

30

CAROLYN LET OUT A SIGH and knocked on Amy’s bed­room door.

“Come in.”

Carolyn opened the door just as Amy tossed an armload of clothes onto the bed. Without looking up, Amy returned to the closet and continued tossing empty hangers over her shoulder. “I’m not going to be needing most of these anymore.”

Carolyn spoke loudly in an attempt to be heard over the clanging hangers. “Hi, Amy…I just came over to see how you’re doing. Looks like you’re going through your stuff from school.” Carolyn stepped over a stack of books.

Amy said nothing and turned to face her closet.

“Are you all right?” Carolyn sat on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Is there some way I can help you?” Carolyn picked up some pictures scattered on the floor. Recognizing Rick’s face, as well as some of Amy’s other college friends, Carolyn shuffled the pictures into a stack. The Amy smiling back at her in the photographs was much different from the troubled young woman Carolyn now observed.

“I don’t think so. I just want this stuff out of here!” Amy hastily took the stack of pictures from Carolyn, tossed them into a box, and returned to the closet.

“Amy…”

By now, Amy was sorting through a pile of papers and letters, crumpling most of them and cramming them in a nearby wastebasket. “Carolyn, I told you I just really don’t want to talk about it. I know you want to help, but I’m not sure you can help me. I’m not sure if anybody around here can help me.”

Amy abandoned her sorting, flinging all the papers toward the trash can. “So much for my eight years here. I tried to do what was right. I tried to be a ‘good little girl’…look where that’s gotten me — everyone’s talking about me behind my back, everyone is giving me those patronizing looks. So much for school and my so-called friends there…and so much for Rick. He’s gone and I’m left to deal with this all by myself. ALONE!”

That word jolted Carolyn. “Wait, Amy! You are not alone!”

Amy raised her eyes to meet Carolyn’s for the first time.

“Amy, I know this is difficult for you. It may seem like you’re alone, but you’re not. There really is a God who loves you, the God who gives beauty for ashes. He can make each of our lives precious to Him if we’ll believe in Him and not look on our own failures.”

Carolyn paused, searching for clues in the pained expression on Amy’s face. “And in addition to all of that, God’s given us each other. I want to help you walk through this. I am here for you. Please let me help you.”

Carolyn tenderly placed her hand on Amy’s, waiting for a response. Moments passed. Amy’s breathing seemed measured. “I need to go for a drive…I’ll have to talk to you later.” Carolyn’s hand dropped abruptly as Amy rose to her feet, grabbed her keys and was gone.

Carolyn sat in stunned silence. Something is terribly wrong…Father, how could one of Your children refuse Your hand like that?

Marsha poked her head into the room. “Carolyn? What happened?…Amy just stormed past me and didn’t say a word. Do you know where she was going?”

“No…we were just talking….”

Marsha nodded knowingly. “Oh, I remember those emotional days of early pregnancy. Amy seems to have had her share lately, but it’s so much worse in her situation. I just haven’t known what to do. She’s so irrational sometimes…and so sensitive to the awkward glances and the comments she overhears.”

“I’m not sure that’s all she’s….”

Marsha didn’t seem to hear. “I just wish it wasn’t so hard for her here.”

31

“WE NEVER ANTICIPATE a drop in cabin pressure. But should that happen, an oxygen mask will drop from the compartment above you.”

Wayne wasn’t listening. He’d heard this speech too many times before. Besides, he had more important things on his mind today than airplane safety.

“And remember, in the unlikely event of a water landing, every seat cushion is also a flotation device.”

The questions kept nagging at him, tugging at his mind and refusing to let go.

“Please notice that the captain has turned on the fasten seat belts sign in preparation for takeoff. It is important that you remain in your seats, with your seat belts securely fastened and your tray tables and seat backs in their fully upright and locked position until we have made our ascent and the captain has turned off the fasten seat belts sign. On behalf of the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for flying with us.”

Miami International Airport fell deeper and deeper into the distance, until it was swallowed up entirely by the city itself. As the 727 carved a homeward trail through the clouds, Wayne tried again to unravel the mystery.

Maybe it was God’s will for me to come to this interview, but for different reasons than I had originally thought. Is it possible He would lead me all the way out here just so I would end up meeting Mark and those precious believers he’s with?

The countryside lay before him like a green and brown quilt. Toy cars crawled along narrow streets between rows of identical doll houses. An occasional blue sparkle revealed the backyards of those who could afford swimming pools. Everything was so predictable from up here, so manageable.

After awhile, the plane leveled out and the fasten seat belts sign clicked off.

“Excuse me, sir, would you like something to drink?” The flight attendant handed Wayne a small bag of dry-roasted peanuts.

“Uh, yes. I’ll take a Diet Coke.”

Wayne unfastened the lap tray in front of him and absently deposited the snacks on top. He reviewed the weekend’s events once more, trying to capture every detail before it all started to fade. He had seen something about what “Church” could be.

This isn’t just a pipe dream. It’s really possible!

WAYNE WALKED BRISKLY through the automatic glass doors, duffle bag swinging like a quirky pendulum from the shoulder strap. Spotting Emily and the children parked a few yards from the door, he made a beeline for the mini-van. Wayne threw his luggage in the back and hopped into the passenger seat. After exchanging hugs and kisses, they began their journey toward home.

“Well, Wayne, you told me on Friday how the interview went. What about the rest of the weekend with those people you met on the airplane?”

“It was tremendous!” Wayne replied. “I’ve never seen anything quite like it. The people I met were like a family. It wasn’t a typical Church.”

“Really?” Emily responded, surprised at her husband’s upbeat attitude. “Are they looking for a pastor to hire?”

“Emily!” Wayne shot a disapproving glance. “After that interview with Stony Creek, I’m completely convinced that neither the interview system, nor the pastoral system is pleasing to God! In the one, men of God are hired and fired like employees, and in the other, a pastor owns and runs the church like a family business. Neither of these is what God intends for His people!”

“Besides—” he relaxed his gaze, realizing he was talking to his wife, “I don’t think that this other group of people I met would be interested in hiring anyone.”

“I’m sorry…I just keep wondering how we’re going to pay our bills next month.”

“Emily, I know God loves us more than the birds of the air and has promised to take care of our needs. Let’s just trust in Him.” After a brief pause, he affirmed, “I know that sounds theoretical, but let’s try it anyway!”

“Okay. I was thinking that maybe I could get a job as a secretary someplace, at least for a little while…if that would help things.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary, Honey. God will come up with something for us. Besides, you need to take care of these guys.” He winked and pointed at the back seat. Then he reached back and tickled the three members of his fan club.

When the giggling subsided, Emily started again. “Please tell me about your weekend. What was the name of the group in Miami?”

“They don’t have a name. They said that the early Church, for the sixty years recorded in the Bible, didn’t really have a name. And they, too, have been able to get along fine for years without one.”

“That’s odd,” she said with a quizzical look. “Did you meet many people?”

“Yes, I was with hundreds of them and got to talk to close to two dozen.”

“You must have been to one of their services, then.”

“No…not exactly. It was more of a get-together in a park, not really anything you could call a service. Some families were planning a picnic, and they made a few phone calls. Before I knew it, the whole Church showed up.”

“You mean the whole Church showed up on the spur of the moment for a picnic? They don’t do that once a month or anything?”

“Nope. It was amazing to me, too, Em. It all seemed so natural. The people of God wanted to be with the people of God. When you think about it, what could be more natural?”

“I’ve just never heard of anything like that before. Most Churches can only get a fraction of their members involved in services that are planned.”

“I hadn’t experienced anything like it before, either. It was amazing.”

“Hmmm.”

“Something else that was special was the way the children and the teenagers behaved. They weren’t stifled and they knew how to have fun, but they were obedient and respectful — definitely head and shoulders above the children and teens here at Hampton Street.”

“Boy, I wonder what their secret is? What about the pastor? Did you get a chance to speak with him?”

“Well, they don’t exactly have a pastor the way we usually think about pastors. I mean, everything doesn’t center around one main person. They do have a number of leading brothers, though. I guess some parts of the body are more visible than others. One man that I really enjoyed speaking with was named Luis Rodriguez. He seemed to have insight into God’s heart for what the Church is meant to be. When I was talking to him, he confirmed many of the things that have been stirring inside me over the past few months. It made me feel like I wasn’t crazy after all.”

“Now, Wayne, you know you aren’t crazy.”

“Well, I’m not so sure, Emily.” Wayne grinned. “But anyway, these folks in Miami are really special. They seem to have learned practical ways to walk out the corporate life together. Up until now, all I’ve seen is what the Church is not supposed to be. But seeing, firsthand, a group of people functioning as a body gave me a taste for what the Church is meant to be. It was awesome!”

“I’m glad you’re encouraged. It certainly sounds different. If these people have something to show us, then make sure you don’t lose their phone number. We may need their help.”

“Oh, I definitely intend to stay in touch with them. Everything about the weekend seemed Sovereign. I went down to Miami to interview for a job that I didn’t really want, and I met one of the members of this Church on the airplane. Now I’ve started some valuable relationships that could last a long time. Isn’t God something! Just when things are looking down, He gives us rays of hope.”

EMILY LINGERED IN THE DEN as Wayne played with their children in the other room. Her eyes scanned back and forth across the shelves of books her husband had collected, recalling the years of energy Wayne had poured into trying to obey God.

Her eyes blurred. Father, Wayne’s right. You will take care of us. She closed her eyes. Why do I worry so much about bills instead of caring about things that matter?

At that moment, she felt the pain of her own shallowness. God, I want to become the partner You meant me to be for my husband…not just a Betty Crocker homemaker who feeds the children and keeps the house clean.

Sinking to her knees, she turned the eyes of her heart heavenward to meet the inviting gaze of the King of the Universe — a gaze she had unconsciously dodged for years. Father, I will learn to trust You! Please help me.

32

“OPEN WIDE, PUMPKIN. These peas are good for you.” Carolyn’s mouth instinctively dropped open in an attempt to coax Marie to take one more bite.

“Carolyn, Amy’s here to see you.” Ted peered around the corner. “I’ll take care of Marie from here.”

Amy stood sheepishly by the front door. “Can we talk, Carolyn? There’s something I need to say.” Moving toward the couch, she sat down beside Carolyn and carefully considered her next words. “Carolyn, I’m very sorry. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry before.” Pulling her coat tighter around her, Amy lowered her eyes in shame. “I really wasn’t mad at you, or anybody else for that matter. I know everyone is just trying to do the best they can, given my situation. I’m sure it’s hard for everyone.” Her eyes were pleading now. “I’m sorry I refused your help the other day. Carolyn, I do need help…I need your help.”

“I forgive you, Amy, and I do still want to help.” Without thinking, Carolyn had extended her hand to Amy’s. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m not even sure exactly what I need yet…but stick around.”