The Builder

1/6/1996

The Stone the builders rejected has become the capstone.Matthew 21:42

53

STELLA COULD HEAR the sound of footsteps on the stairs. “Here comes Phil,” she mentioned to one of the other secretaries.

“Yep, I’d recognize those steps anywhere.”

Phil Malone let the door click shut behind him as he sailed toward her desk. “Stella, Hon, were you able to get that report on local demographics for me?”

“I was about to get on that today, but—”

“I told you I needed that for today’s staff meeting.”

“I’m sorry, Phil. I was trying to complete that report you asked for on last quarter’s attendance stats.” She looked fatigued.

He knew her limits. “That’s okay,” he conceded as he headed into his office. “Any messages?”

A few moments later, Stella came to his door and paused. Phil’s dark eyebrows were furrowed. He was staring at a blue computer screen, waiting for the boot-up sequence to finish.

She ventured in. “Here are your phone messages, your mail, and your memos, all laid out in the format you requested. And I can get on that report right away, in time for your meeting if you want me to.”

“I did want to give it to Pastor Reynolds at this afternoon’s meeting.” He looked back at the computer screen. “But if you don’t finish it, I’ll make it work — somehow.”

“Oh, by the way, one of the messages is from Pastor Reynolds.” She started toward the door. “He had to cancel tomorrow’s lunch.”

“Why?” Phil thumbed impatiently through the messages.

“I don’t know.” Stella kept walking.

Why is he cancelling? Phil sank in his chair. First the report. Now Reynolds is cancelling lunch. Why did I come in? He turned the computer off and stared at his wall, disgusted.

The paneled wall boasted of past success. He saw the picture of his college championship hockey team, surrounded by trophies. Man, were we good. He felt his chin, searching for the small scar — his trophy for making the winning goal. Below the hockey photo, another frame displayed an article he had written for Church Builders Magazine: “Small Group Innovation: The Key to Long-Term Growth.” He nodded his approval and continued searching. The adjacent wall displayed his college diplomas: Undergraduate in Bible and Masters of Church Growth…

He shook free from the memories and stood up. Today, Malone! Steeling himself, he grabbed his Daytimer and bolted out the door.

A LIGHT SNOW WAS FALLING as Steve Parker drove anxiously to Metro Chapel. It had been another long day at the lab and now he was late for the home group leaders meeting.

Steve felt honored to be a part of all this. He had been converted only three years before, mostly due to the efforts of Teresa, the woman he married shortly after he found new life in Christ.

“Okay, everyone, we’re ready to begin,” Phil Malone announced as Steve slipped into the room. Phil’s khakis were creased and his collar starched. His muscular frame and self-confident stance commanded the attention of the room full of newly appointed home group leaders.

“I’m glad you’re all here. I’m not sure you realize just how important each of you is to the success of this new program.” Phil spoke with authority, like a general addressing new recruits. “When people come to your homes on Thursday nights, they will feel awkward and out of place at first. Your job will be to make sure everyone feels comfortable and that everything goes smoothly.”

Phil walked over toward the large-screened television situated in the corner. “I brought a video I think will help you see how best to deal with some of the practical situations that may come up.” He turned it on and dimmed the lights. “This was done by one of the leading experts in home ministries. He has helped start many successful programs like the one we’re beginning. Pay careful attention to the things he says.”

The whole room was soon glued to the video screen as the speaker offered systematic, logical advice. Many of his points were backed up by short skits demonstrating proven methods.

“Now, let me recap the main points.” Phil turned the television off and walked toward the light switch. “If there’s ever a disagreement in a home group meeting, what should you do?”

Steve squinted as his eyes grew accustomed to the light. The man next to him spoke up. “You should nip it in the bud.”

“Exactly. Defer the discussion until after the meeting is over, then talk with the person privately. While the meeting is in progress, be friendly, be polite, and don’t ever let things get negative.”

Steve raised his hand with a twinge of nervousness. Phil’s tone made him uncertain as to whether or not questions were welcome. Phil nodded toward Steve.

“Couldn’t there be other ways to handle a disagreement, Phil? Wouldn’t everyone in the room benefit from hearing both sides of the subject and…isn’t it possible someone else besides the leader could shed the most light on the subject?”

“What’s your name, please?”

“Steve Parker.”

“Steve, that sounds like it might work in an idealistic world, but it’s too risky. You’ve got to think about the visitors and the young Christians. In the mind of a visitor, a disagreement is a negative, and they may never come back if they think home groups are negative. And, whatever you do, never disagree with a visitor. It might hurt his self-esteem and that may be the last time you ever see him.

“Now, how about a talkative person?” Phil paused for a second. “Same thing, right? Never let a talkative person dominate the meeting. If someone has been talking too much, you can tell them, ‘I really appreciate what you are saying, but we have a lot of ground to cover tonight.’ Then just continue where you left off.”

Steve ran his hand through his hair, unsettled by what he was hearing. Phil seems to know what he’s talking about. I know we can’t get bogged down in these meetings, but is this really how Christians should function together?

“Now, I want you all to remember three rules for successful home groups.” Phil held up three fingers. “Write these down. Rule number one: Keep things interesting and upbeat. I will prepare solid lessons and good discussion aides. It’s up to you to lead the discussion in a positive way so that people will want to come back.

“Rule number two: Start on time and quit on time. We live in a TV culture and people are going to get restless after forty-five minutes. Also, if you start on time and quit on time, it will be easier for people to fit it into their schedule.” Steve scribbled, reluctantly, on the pad of paper in front of him.

“Rule number three: Stick with the plan. The lessons I give you each week will be your game plan. It is very easy to get off on tangents. Don’t let it happen.” Phil stopped momentarily to emphasize his point. “The whole concept falls apart if we’re not all doing the same thing. Metro Chapel is a big place and one of the things that will unify us is having everyone in the home groups studying the same lessons on the same nights. Any questions?”

Steve hesitated momentarily, not wanting to be the only person asking questions. “Why are there so few home group leaders here. For a three thousand member Church, shouldn’t there be twice as many of us at this meeting?”

“Well, not all the members will be a part of this program.”

“Really? Why not?”

Phil responded matter-of-factly. “Statistically, a church is doing well that can get fifty percent of its members to be a part of home ministry for any extended amount of time. You’ll especially notice it this summer when people have so many other things to do. You know, vacationing, little league and things like that. So, we’re right in line with the national averages.”

“And you don’t see a problem with that? Wouldn’t every follower of Jesus crave being with God’s people?” Steve cocked his head, genuinely baffled.

“Not necessarily. You don’t want to demand too much from people. Some people need more time to grow. We don’t want to scare anyone off. So we encourage everyone to participate, but we don’t want to make anyone feel bad if they don’t.”

Phil noticed the look on Steve’s face. “Besides, not everyone wants the closeness of relationships in a home group. For some, the Sunday celebration meets all their needs.” He glanced at his watch. “One thing I almost forgot to tell you is you must have refreshments after these sessions. Pretzels, chips, soft drinks, cookies, coffee — that sort of thing. Refreshments are very important to the success of a home ministry.”

54

STEVE STOOD AT THE ENTRANCE of their sunken living room. “Looks great, Teresa.”

“Thanks. I almost have the refreshments finished. Are you ready?”

He took a deep breath and another glance at his watch. “Yeah, I think so. I’ve been studying all week, but I’m still a little nervous.”

“Oh, relax. I’m sure you’ll do great, Honey!” The corners of her mouth arched in a confident smile. “What lesson did Phil select for tonight?”

Steve walked toward the kitchen. “It’s called: ‘Rejoice in the Lord.’ It’s pretty good, actually.”

She spun around onto her toes and touched his nose. “Well, I’m excited, too!” She then handed him a peanut-butter cookie.

He started to take a bite — but stopped. “Was that a car? I’ll get the door.”

SEVEN THIRTY-THREE. Looks like everyone’s here but Mary Strickler. I know they told us to be punctual, but I’d sure like to wait for Mary. “Does anyone know if Mary Strickler is coming tonight?”

Everyone in the living room shook their head. Just then, the doorbell rang. It was Mary.

“Good to see you, Mary,” Steve said warmly.

“Good to see you, too.” She seemed tentative as she shook his hand.

Must have a lot on her mind. Maybe tonight’s lesson will cheer her up. “Okay, everyone, we’re a few minutes late and need to get started.” Steve sat down on a white ottoman and opened his notes. Trustingly, he began as suggested: “Tonight’s lesson is called ‘Rejoice in the Lord.’ So, in keeping with that theme, let’s spend ten minutes in praise and worship to our King.”

As the last song ended, he caught Mary’s eye. She seemed worse now than when she came in.

“Please turn to the book of Philippians, chapter three and look at question one in the lesson guide.” He waited until the rustling of pages ended. “Ready? Number one: Is it possible to rejoice in the Lord always?” He looked up from the lesson book and nodded toward a well-dressed man seated on the couch. “Ken?”

“If the Bible commands it, it must be possible.”

“Okay.” Steve looked down at his notes again. “Since that’s true, then what are some of the reasons we don’t?” As the words left his mouth, he caught another glimpse of Mary and felt a knot in his stomach. Her eyes betrayed pain and confusion. Her right hand was clenched, and she held it over her mouth as she stared out the window. I wonder if we should be talking about this subject? He remembered Phil’s instructions — stick with the lessons I give you. Okay…maybe something in the lesson will hit on her problem.

“One of the reasons that we don’t rejoice in the Lord the way we should is because we make mountains out of molehills.” This came from the man sitting next to Mary. The hand over her mouth started shaking and her eyes welled up with tears.

Now what do I do? Indecision gripped him. The uncomfortable silence caused the knot in his stomach to tighten. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this. Lord, please help. He let out a deep breath. His discomfort intensified as the roomful of eyes stared at him. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn. The Scripture interrupted his thoughts. Maybe we need to drop this lesson and find out what’s troubling her. Mary started to sob. She stood up and walked to the bathroom.

The living room full of people exchanged nervous glances. Teresa got up and followed Mary to the bathroom. The discomfort was like a heavy blanket threatening to smother everyone.

I hope she’s all right. Now what do I do? Steve shifted in his seat and looked furtively around the room. I can’t wait ‘til tonight is over. Now the sounds of weeping were heard coming through the bathroom door.

“Maybe we can pray for Mary,” one of the women suggested.

“That’s a great idea,” Steve agreed with relief. Soon the roomful of people was praying, glad to escape the awful silence.

55

THE EVENTS OF THURSDAY NIGHT were still on Steve’s mind as he arrived at Metro Chapel. It was Sunday morning, and he’d come forty-five minutes early in order to talk to Phil. He walked through the dark, three-thousand-seat auditorium and upstairs to the office area. Phil’s office was dark, though he could hear Pastor Reynolds’ voice coming from the open conference room door.

“At the end of my sermon, I’m going to say, “‘It’s about kindness. It’s about love.’ There will be seven ‘It’s abouts.’ Count them as I go. That’s your cue to play the soft chords on the keyboard. And please watch the volume on that. Last week it was a little too loud and almost ruined the whole effect. Got it? Okay, men, I think we’re set. I’m going to review my sermon for the next forty minutes. I’ll meet you back here just before we’re ready to walk out.”

I didn’t know they planned the services like that. Steve kept his eyes on the door and sank into one of the couches in the waiting area. As the staff members filed out of the conference room, he caught Phil’s eye.

“Morning, Steve.” He glanced down at his watch. “You’re sure early today.”

“Well, I had a dilemma at my home group on Thursday night and I wanted to talk about it.”

Phil sat on the arm of the couch. “I don’t have much time, but what happened?”

“Well, the evening started off great. Everyone seemed eager, and I was excited about the lesson in the study guide. But after a little while, Mary Strickler started crying. Do you know her?”

“No.”

“Well, she’s recently divorced, and it turns out that an hour before the meeting she found out her daughter had decided to move in with her boyfriend.”

Phil shook his head. “Hmmm. That’s too bad.”

“She didn’t intend to bring it up,” Steve continued. “But she looked awful from the moment she walked into the house. I wished that I could have talked with her before the meeting, but she came in after 7:30 and I was trying hard to be punctual like you taught us. So I thought I would just talk with her afterward.”

“And did you?”

“Well, no. You see, we started the lesson about rejoicing in the Lord, but every time I looked, I could tell she was hurting inside.” Steve winced. “There was so much turmoil inside of me. It seemed that talking about rejoicing was actually making things worse, not better. I even thought about stopping the lesson altogether just to find out what was on her mind.”

“Well, you can’t do that, Steve…” Phil stopped himself. “Why don’t you finish telling me what happened.”

“While all of this was happening, a Scripture kept coming to my mind: ‘Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn.’ She looked like she was mourning, and I thought maybe we should be mourning with her.” He let out a deep breath. “Pretty soon she started sobbing and excused herself to the restroom. Everyone felt uncomfortable and nobody knew what to do. None of us really knows her very well.” Steve looked down at his hands, then into Phil’s face. “My wife, Teresa, followed her to the restroom to see if she was okay. She wasn’t.

“I think we made things worse by sticking with the lesson. Aren’t there times when the lesson should wait? Isn’t serving the needs of the individual more important than the schedule?”

“I can sympathize with the position you found yourself in, Steve.” Phil cocked his head. “But remember, statistically speaking, you are going to have a certain number of people who are emotional — especially women. It’s our job to meet their needs without making everyone else suffer because of it. Remember, the material in the lesson is tied to the sermon topic, so it would be confusing to the sheep to jump around.” He scratched his temple. “It’s up to the home group leader to take charge and make sure things don’t fall apart. If someone looks like they have problems, offer to talk with them after the meeting, but don’t let them dominate. Remember? We talked about that at the training sessions.”

“But isn’t there any kind of flexibility? Isn’t it our job to see the direction that God is leading with something and then follow Him?”

“Steve, of course we want to be led by the Spirit. But the Spirit led me to write those lesson plans. I know you care, but I have a degree in church growth and I have studied how home groups function for a long time. Flexibility is one thing, but flying by the seat of your pants — like you’re suggesting — only leads to chaos. Believe me.” Phil stood up. “If you’re doing one thing at your home group and John Doe is doing something different at his home group, we lose our cohesion as a church and it can actually be divisive. Wolves rise up quickly in that kind of environment. So, resist the urge to do what seems right to you and stick with the program.” His voice intensified. “Believe me, a lot of work goes in to preparing these lessons, and we’ll end up with a lot of problems if the home group leaders think they have better ideas. So, please, stick with the plan I give you, okay? As I said, the Holy Spirit gave me the direction, so it is the Holy Spirit leading.”

Phil stepped backward. “Look, I’ve got to run. But thanks for the questions. That’s just the kind of input we’re looking for.”

“YOU SEEM KIND OF DOWN, Honey.” Teresa Parker studied her husband’s disposition. His eyes were fixed on the rear of the car in front of them as they waited in the long line of cars leaving Metro Chapel’s parking lot.

“I’m still thinking about the conversation I had with Phil before the service.” He didn’t move his eyes. “I was hoping he would clear up some of my questions from Thursday night.”

“Well, did he?”

“Not really. He basically said we should stick with the lessons no matter what happens.” Steve still stared ahead, though the car wasn’t moving at all.

Teresa tugged at his arm. “Even when someone is hurting as much as Mary Strickler?”

“That’s what he said, in essence, and he had some convincing reasons.” Steve finally turned toward his wife. “I don’t know. I mean, I understand Metro Chapel is really big and everyone can’t be doing their own thing, but…” He hesitated. “There’s got to be some way to respond to God in the middle of it all, even if it means changing our plans.”

Teresa turned sideways in her seat. “It seems to me that after we took one look at Mary’s face, we shouldn’t have even started that lesson. We should’ve spent the whole evening trying to help her if we needed to. Or, at least, a couple of women could have gotten with her right away — rather than trying to go on like we did.”

The line of cars started to move, and Steve turned back to the task of driving. “I kind of feel that way, too, but…” He winced. “We really do need to listen to Phil. He knows a lot about these things and…maybe he’s right.”