Family Ties?


...My mom is one of those people who claim to be a Christian and gets very upset if you challenge anything. I have been trying to share lots of things with her about the things we have been learning, but she is so puffed up with religious pride that she gets very angry and emotional and tells me the usual, “You’re judging me.” By the way, how do you know if you are judging someone or not? Doesn’t Romans say, “Who are you that judgeth another man’s servant? To his own master he standeth or falls. Yeah, he shall be holden up, for God is able to make him stand,” and, “Judge not that you not be judged.”

The only safe subjects are the very shallow conversations about how her work is going, how she went out to dinner with her friends, and has seen the latest movie. She has always been somewhat of a Feminist, by her own admission, working full-time and having a social life. Talking about my children gets her upset unless I am very careful because, if we share our convictions about the way we are bringing them up, what we believe, etc., she takes it personally that we are pointing the finger at her for the way we were brought up.

My sister, judging by her fruits, is full of religious pride and nothing else. For my part, I continue to speak love and forgiveness to her and would like to have our relationship restored by Jesus.

The problem is that it is very uncomfortable when we do see them. What about maintaining a civil distant relationship? Is it okay to keep christmas and birthdays and maybe a once a week phone call just to do your duty in honouring your parents? We sometimes have her over, but we’ve got to be very careful what we talk about. It’s very draining.

The truth of God’s word, “How can two walk together unless they agree?” and “How can light and dark mix?” is so true. They think we are overprotecting our children by restricting television and not allowing worldly entertainment like the movies.... we didn’t even bother to get into the discussion of separating ourselves from the world...

...this mixing of the world with God’s truth through the influence that Grandparents do have over grandchildren through the conversations that they hear and the standard they see lived out through the grandparents is heartbreaking. I long for Grandparents that would pray for the children and with the children. That would be truly in the body of Christ, walking daily in the Spirit. Dying to flesh.

Thank you so much for the article, “How To Lead Your Children To Christ.” It was very challenging and encouraging. It’s exactly what we believe and are praying for. Our two older children both cried when my husband spoke more deeply to them about exactly what their sin did to Jesus. They really want to serve him with all their hearts. We really loved the song you sent over the email. Thank you, and we would absolutely love to have a copy of the CD.

We all want to serve Jesus Christ and to know Him and to have complete fellowship with Him. What is judging someone and how do we guard against self-righteousness? Someone recently said that these difficult relationships are put there by God to smooth out our rough edges. I’m really confused.


Hi there : ) I deeply appreciate that you are TRYING to do what God wants, in spite of emotions and the worldly pressures of society and the erroneous compromises of the religious world. God always honors that. Thanks.

I’ll just kinda go along here, by your “map” in your letter. First of all, the Scriptures are VERY clear that if a person does not “love the light” and “love the Truth”—they are NOT a Christian. At best, they are DEATHLY ill, and most likely unconverted. The very DEFINITIONS in the OT Prophesies, and 100 NT Scriptures that are ignored and disobeyed by most of Christendom—all say the same: IF you are converted, then the Holy Spirit makes you “like a newborn babe, craving the pure Spiritual Milk of His Word.” And that does NOT mean, “I like to read my Bible”—but, “I love EVERYTHING He says to me and long to obey Him, even if I’m weak at times! I WANT it! Tell me MORE! Don’t hold anything back that could help me to know Him better!”

Next, the end of 1Cor. 5 says that WE MUST JUDGE THOSE THAT CALL THEMSELVES CHRISTIANS. God judges those in the world, but WE will judge angels (ch. 6), “judge all things” and MUST judge those that continue in sin (1Cor. 5:12-13; 1Cor. 2:15)…because of 1Jn. 3 and Heb. 10:24-28. Now that is NOT to say that we say, “You’re going to hell and you’re going to heaven.” EITHER ONE is wrong—and the kind of “judging” that we do not do. However, “You are, according to God’s Words, in DEEP TROUBLE! You seem lukewarm, defensive, and proud. God opposes the proud and spews out the lukewarm, and you have every appearance of being in DEEP trouble! The ‘traditions of men have nullified the Word of God’ in you mum—you are blinded to things GOD SAID, and are DEFENSIVE when we talk about them! THAT is a VERY bad sign!!! You should WANT to know ANYTHING that can help you know Him better! And if you DON’T ‘Love the light’—you are forcing us to wonder, according to the teachings of Paul, John, James, and Jesus—if you are even a Christian AT ALL! The Bible gives us ‘tests’ in order to identify those that are in trouble, so that they can be helped before it’s too late—and you are flunking those tests, it seems! Please LISTEN, instead of all this defensiveness and pride! It is the WORD OF GOD that we are looking at with you!”

The passage you refer to does not erase from the Bible what I am speaking of (how COULD it??!!). Obviously, the passage in Romans doesn’t mean that 1Cor. 5, etc., does not mean what it says. The “kind” of judging that helps them change, or even (as Jesus says) may result in us casting them out of relationship and meals (Paul’s words) and treating them as we would any pagan (Jesus’ words) IS STILL IN THE WORDS OF GOD. Right? The OTHER kind of “judging”—“I’m not going to help you,” “I despise you,” “I give up on you,” “I don’t care about you because you’re not good enough, you are hopeless…” is always wrong. But a “TOOL” in God’s “toolbox” is DEFINITELY “don’t associate with them, don’t eat with them, expel them from your midst” if they “call themselves a brother” and will not turn away from sin (regardless of whether it is so-called ‘big’ or ‘small’—since it all is love of flesh and hatred of God, and “crucifies Him afresh” regardless of so-called ‘size’). THAT requires the “kind” of judging that God COMMANDS us to do, in 1Cor. 5, but NOT the “kind” of judging that pretends WE are on the Throne. ONE is a TOOL, to help (though God’s Command is “tough love” sometimes)—and the other is arrogance, without shedding a tear for them.

The “feminist” position? Does she CARE what God says? Would she CHANGE for Jesus’ sake? If NOT, you cannot even begin to think (or let her think that you think) she is a Christian. That is a position that OPPOSES God. “Why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” (Lk. 6:46). “If you LOVE Me, you will obey Me” (Jn. 14:15). Simple fact. She must change anything that opposes God’s View, or quit claiming she is in love with Him!

If she “loves the world”—she IS “an enemy of God.” No way around it. She must know this, or be informed. She is FORBIDDEN by God to have affections for and camaraderie with those that have crucified Jesus by their sins. How can she befriend and enjoy the company of those that will not repent of crucifying the Son of God? Not possible, for a true Disciple of His, Biblically OR logically speaking!

One thing that is VERY important, no matter what the reason may be for seeing your mother, or sister in questionable Spiritual health: This is SO SO SO Important! You MUST not be “careful what you talk about”!!! NEVER!!! “You can’t help but speak of what you’ve seen and heard.” “Judge for yourselves whether it’s better to obey God or man!” (Acts 4:19-20). “If you are ashamed of Me, then…” (Mk. 8:38). Here’s the deal. You are who you are!! IF they don’t like that, and don’t want you around if you continue to be who you are—that is THEIR CHOICE to exclude YOU! If they know that you WILL be “ambassadors, as if God were making His Appeal through you” (2Cor. 5:20)—24 hours a day, every day of every year until you die—and they don’t WANT that—then they are free to not want you around. BUT, you WILL be who you are, and speak Jesus and His Ways to them and their children WHENEVER you’re around! And forget the, “You can talk about Jesus, but not all of that other stuff about things to obey and a Life to Live.” Jesus IS the Word (John 1), not two different things! One CANNOT have Jesus, if they won’t “love the Truth, and so be saved”! (2Thes. 2:10)

So, perhaps you can see it? IF they want you around, you are FREE to speak of Jesus and His Ways, up until they totally reject you and don’t want you around. And then it is THEM that has broken the relationship, NOT YOU—and they need to know that THEY are responsible for the separation by being unwilling to Listen and Deal with things from God! That is THEIR choice. You’d GLADLY be around, and would have a FABULOUS relationship, FAR beyond anything previously and anything they could imagine—IF they want to do it on JESUS’ terms, rather than building around FLESH and Bio-Similitudes. It’s THEIR choice!! It could be REALLY good! But, that is not YOU “cutting off your mother.” Of course, GOD said that eating with her and “associating” with her could become impossible. BUT, the above is probably going to resolve, one way or the other, most questions. The “Valley of Decision” is “in their court.” Honoring her would mean, at bare minimum in most cases, flowers on a birthday, with a note that gives nothing away: “Mum, we love you! Hope you change your mind soon! : )”

And the “christmas get-together?” Well, much could be said about THAT one! : O, but 1) We can never withhold Truth, simply because of the consequences, and 2) the reality of it is, GOD said “Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. And THEN I will be your God!” So, their “theories” (as you knew already) are godless and foolish on that matter. Just to say so at appropriate times may be THEIR only hope. Shielding them from Truth will only cement them into their graves, unfortunately. Now, those that know me well KNOW that I’m NOT saying, “be rude, be hateful, be arrogant, be mean.” I’m simply saying that the right MINDSET is essential in Representing God well, and bearing His Fruit. And when you are opposing satan and His Kingdom, on a planet that he all but owns (according to Jesus Himself), OF COURSE it’s going to be a battle! That’s just the way it is. God describes DRAGONS and LIONS wanting to devour—VIOLENCE! It’s the nature of our lives here. SURELY that is easy to see in how Jesus, without any rudeness or hatefulness, and perfect wisdom—STILL ONLY LASTED 36 MONTHS OR SO…BEFORE HE WAS MURDERED BY RELIGIOUS PEOPLE and the government’s helping hand.

I long for Grandparents that would pray for the children and with the children. That would be truly in the body of Christ, walking daily in the Spirit. Dying to flesh. Amen. You can even TELL the grandparents how you would LOVE that!! But tell them that it HAS to be on God’s Terms that you could ever have it!

Hey—you know—we BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, right? Isn’t that the very NATURE of what we believe about Messiah? We were all “hard cases” too, right? And still can be, right?? SO, who knows…as Paul said in a “mixed” marriage, and applies here as well: “IF they are WILLING to let you be who YOU HAVE TO BE for Jesus, and are still willing to let you speak into their lives and do what you have to do—who knows?—perhaps they can be saved!”

Well, much prayer will be alongside you. Your hearts are very encouraging!!!!!!!!! I, and we, are honored to be co-journeying and co-laboring with you.

Grace and Peace and Life and Power be upon you.

In His Love,
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