Drawing Near

4/19/2002

Monday Morning, April 19, 2002

from an eleven-year-old youngster, to a few, trusted, older friends.... : )

Who is this Jesus I see others love so much?????

I want to know Him, too. Help me, Father!!! Do you see me? I’m desperate. I don’t want anything else, anyone else. How much more pain?? How much more pounding??? How many more tears? How much more longing does it take for you to reach out and rescue me from my self? I’m dead, please rescue me. I want YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! I really do. I DO!!! I know you’re watching me. Please, I’m going to wrestle with You until You answer, just to let You know I’m desperate. I will knock and keep on knocking, and I know You’re at the door watching and waiting for that moment when we can touch.

But, I know even though I want and ask, I still don’t deserve to be saved. I don’t deserve anything. But, I just want to let you know I love You and want to get to know You better. I see your arm is stretched out to me. I’m stretching out too, can’t You see!?! I can’t seem to get my hand right into Yours. I’m reaching but I can’t quite grab You, because my feet are being pulled down by my own selfish desires and sins. I’m being swallowed up. But please if You see me reaching, just reach an inch further and grab me. RESCUE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Every day I wake up thinking is today the day!!! Is today the day You will reach out and rescue me? I believe the Day of Salvation is coming, because I am searching for you “with all my heart.” Because I don’t want a fake “conversion” based on emotion, but only on abandoning my life to You in total trust, I will be patient, I promise!!! I don’t want anything less than a real and true miracle and second birth! I really want You. I know You love me!! I know what I’ve heard is true. Even if I were the only person living here You would have died just for me, because You love me soooooo much.

Now here’s what I think! With this promise I’m going to get You no matter what it takes!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not gonna be discouraged. I know it’s a free gift to be found by You and to know You, so I know this is a season for discovery and courting, not discouragement. I’ll search until I find you and we have an encounter that flesh and blood didn’t reveal, not of natural descent, or human will power, as your Son said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll search until I find you and you grab a hold of me and touch me, yes I will!!!!!

I’m coming after you!!!!!!!!!!! Watch out!!!!!!!

My heart’s desire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!