Put the Desire Aside
There’s probably a dozen of you just sitting in this circle right now, that God has a call on your life. Whether young or old, there are at least a dozen of you. Some of you aren’t quite there yet. Some of you guys have already begun the process of either hardening your hearts towards God or deciding even right now tonight, to soften your hearts towards God and to go a different direction.
But there are about a dozen of you guys probably on the front burner, where God is calling to you, and He’s speaking into your life and He’s giving you a choice. You go down the road for a certain ways, all of us do. And then you come to a fork in the road and you make a choice about what you’re going to do about it. And that happens to adults even after they are Christians. They have certain forks in the road where they can decide to say, “No, I don’t like that. I’m afraid of that, I don’t want that. I’m afraid of what people might think.” Or whatever it is. Or I just want to hide this.
The worst thing you could ever, ever, ever do is say I just want to hide this. I want to have this whole secret lust for computers, or lust for what I want to be when I grow up, or lust for how I look, or I just want to have this whole secret area of my life, and I’ll just pretend to everybody else that I don’t. That’s a crossroads, because you have to deal with that before you can go on with God. You can’t just say, “I’m going to present it a certain way, but in my heart I’m not going to deal with that.” That’s a crossroads that takes you further and further away from God every day that you let that go on.
You don’t have to say, “I think I want to worship the devil and go to hell and be with him forever in eternal torment.” You don’t have to say that. All you have to say is, “I just want to live my life the way I want to and present a certain image so people think of me a certain way. But in my heart, I’m going to live for myself in this area or that area, and just pretend that I’m not, until I can have it my own way.”
These matters are between us and God, and a consciousness of God is an awareness that He sees and knows all things. He sees our hearts, and we don’t hide anything from Him. There isn’t anything hidden from His sight, obviously. So, in other words, the door is so wide open, it’s incredible. And everybody in this circle is at a crossroads on one level or another every day of our lives. But there’s a bunch of you guys that you know in your heart, you suffer with this. You wake up in the morning, and you think about it. You’ve got a little bit of pain in your heart and conscious because you know you’ve got a decision to make about whether you’re going to serve God for the rest of your life, or you’re going to live for yourself and in so doing be living for the devil.
I mean, you’re in that position right now. If you don’t feel that conscious, that burning, that wrestling, then I feel very sorry for you. The worst possible scenario is to have no conscience, to have no burning, to have no wrestling, to not care and just be playing a game. Because if God doesn’t have a call on your life, you already belong to the devil. You’re already his personal property. You might as well wear it on your back on a sign. If you don’t have any conscience about anything, you can just live your life trying to please people, and in your heart you’re just living for yourself, and you don’t even care. There’s not even any wrestling about it. That’s a pitiful thing. There are people in the world like that. But I would certainly hope there isn’t anyone in this circle of people that have no conscious or care, or conviction, or wrestling.
So the wrestling is a good thing, because that’s God saying, “Come here, come, I’m not giving up on you yet. I’m not going to turn you over to a powerful delusion yet. Come, I want you. Come.” The spirit and the flesh wage war with one another. He sent the Spirit to convict the world of sin and righteousness and judgment to come. If the Holy Spirit is wrestling with you, and you’re feeling that war in your heart, that’s a good thing. Because that means God hasn’t given up on you, and that means the invitation to the banquet that he is speaking of in this paper is wide open to you.
So that’s a good thing, if you’re suffering some. But be conscious of God and make the small choices about the desires that you have when you’re tired of studying or when you want to do something your parents said not to do. Those are choices that you make, and maybe they won’t even find out. But it’s not even about whether you even do it or not. Let’s say you want to do something and they say no and you decide not to do it, but in your heart you still wrestle for it, you want it, you want it. Well see, you just missed an opportunity. There’s a fork in the road. Even if you didn’t do it, that’s not even the issue. The issue is, did you say, “God, I really do want to do that, but I’m conscious of You, and so I’m putting that aside, and I’m giving this gift to You. I’m laying it down from my own free will from my heart. I’m deciding not to think about that anymore.” Not to continue to wrestle for it, but just not do it, but to actually put the desire aside. The desire for other things is the enemy, not the doing of other things. The desire for other things is the enemy. Put the desire aside. That’s the road towards God, is to put those desires for other things aside, and to soften our hearts and be conscious of God, rather than just on this level all the time. Does that make sense?